This week the world found out about David Petraeus’s moral indiscretions. Petraeus, who served in the military for 37 years before being appointed head of the CIA, showed one face to the world, but looked very different on the inside. Who is he really? A creep or a hero? A top general or a military criminal? Who is the real David Petraeus?
I have a friend who similarly confounds me. Meet Brandon*. Brandon comes to shul occasionally, feels warmly towards Judaism, but I certainly wouldn’t call him religious.
Recently, Brandon’s mother came to visit him in New York where he’s been living for 16 years. During those 16 years he’s been home to see his family, but this was his mother’s first trip to see him. In preparation for their first New York weekend, Brandon went on a little shopping spree. What did he buy? A timer and a hot water urn! He wanted to be able to make coffee, and have the lights shut off, without desecrating Shabbat.
Why?
It turns out Brandon grew up in an ultra-orthodox community. Although he abandoned that way of life when he moved to New York, he never had the heart to tell his parents. So every time he goes home, he makes sure to present himself as orthodox. His parents have no idea that he lives completely differently the rest of the time!
So there he was, suddenly attending synagogue for every service: Friday night, Shabbat day, Shabbat afternoon, Sunday morning… And not only did he attend, he was the first one there each time!
When I invited Brandon and his family to eat Shabbat dinner with us, I discovered that with his parents, he even goes by a different name. Determined to keep up the façade, he asked us not to let on. He so desperately didn’t want to disappoint his parents.
I started wondering – who is the real Brandon? This guy practically lives a double life. In New York he lives a very secular life, but at home he is ultra-orthodox! He wears a kippa, goes by his Jewish name, keeps fully kosher and observes all of Shabbat’s intricate laws – all so as not to disappoint his mother.
So, who IS the real Brandon? And what about us? Don’t we all do the same thing on some level? We act kind and caring and interested on the outside, when really we’re selfish, bored, disinterested and uncaring. We show different faces to different people at different times. So who are we?
We are Jews, and every single Jew, at his or her core, is good. We all want to do the right thing. Sometimes we can’t, for whatever reason, but deep down we want to.
In this week’s Parshah we read about Jacob and Esau. Imagine how Jacob must have felt, dressed in Esau’s clothing and tricking his father into giving him the blessings intended for his older brother. Was this the real Jacob? The same Jacob who spent the majority of his life sitting peacefully and studying Torah?
We are all complex individuals, but at our essence, we are all pure and good. Sometimes we have to “dress up” and show a different face, but that is not the real one.
So who is Brandon? He is not a non-practicing Jew fooling his parents into thinking he is still religious. He is a Torah-observant Jew fooling the world into thinking that he is non-observant.
And what about us? Who are we? We are good, through and through, always trying to do better with G-d and with our brethren.
Right now, let’s stop for a minute to let that essence shine through as we pray for our brothers and sisters, our uncles and aunts, nieces and nephews, friends and cousins, parents, children and grandchildren – everyone who is under attack in our homeland, Israel: May G-d watch over you and protect you from all harm.
*Names and details have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals