Whilst the Jewish people were living in Egypt, an incredible childbirth-related phenomenon occurred. Rashi explains that the Jewish women would give birth to six children at one time. Seeing this, the local Egyptians became anxious that these strangers would multiply so much that they would eventually take over their land. They therefore decided to curb the growth by enslaving the Jews, torturing them and killing them. Despite their efforts, the more afflictions the Jews suffered under the Egyptians, the more they flourished.
Four years ago, I visited a woman who was in a terrible state. She had recently suffered a shattering marriage breakup, after years of having it all. She and her husband had lived in a sprawling mansion in Long Island, together with their teenage daughter. The fairytale rapidly dissipated when business suddenly declined, resulting in the loss of his entire fortune. The divorce was one of the unfortunate consequences. She moved into a tiny studio apartment on the Upper East Side together with her daughter, and worked long and strenuous hours trying to support them. They somehow battled their way like this for three years.
Several months later, she met an Israeli man and life seemed to pick up. But after discovering that she had fallen pregnant, he deserted her. By the time I met with her; she was several weeks into the pregnancy and was an emotional wreck. The last thing she needed was a new baby to further complicate matters and so she cried to me that she planned to terminate the pregnancy.
I patiently created an image for her of the wondrous being developing inside her. I explained to her that although it would be terribly difficult raising a second child in her current circumstances, a child is never a “mistake”, and always a blessing. Besides this, I clarified Judaism’s vehement opposition to abortion. The unborn child possesses a beating heart. Just as one is prohibited to murder a person, so too one may not slay a fetus. The fact that it was her body did not give her any claim over the child’s life or death.
Despite my efforts, she became very frustrated with me and quite pointedly told me it was her life and she would be making the decisions.
After the story we lost touch and so I did not know what became of the pregnancy until several weeks ago when I bumped into her in the street. I was pleasantly surprised to see her pushing a stroller and she in turn, excitedly showed me her beautiful three year old son inside. With tears in her eyes she said to me, “I want to thank you from the depths of my heart for convincing me to have this child. He is truly the greatest gift I could ever have hoped for.”
Turns out that with the birth of her child she was able to rearrange her life, remarrying and acquiring a new job with stable income for her and her family.
As the fourth child in a family of nine, I have always felt blessed. I would never trade the warmth and closeness that defines my family. I admired my parents for having so many children. I have no doubt that it was difficult and extremely challenging. My mother always put her kids and their needs in front of herself. My father would constantly say to us that he felt so wealthy. He was a millionaire nine times over.
Every child is both a blessing and a challenge from G-d. And for each of these `blessed challenges`, G-d equips us from an emotional and financial view. I have friends here on the Upper East Side that have two kids and they will not think of having a third for the simple reason that they will not be able to afford the cost. To these people I argue: in every marriage there are three partners, man, wife and G-d. If G-d has seen fit to bless you with an additional child, He will surely provide you with the means to support it.
I always thought I came from a big family until I met my wife. Shevy is the twelfth child in a family of fifteen. She has seven brothers and seven sisters. At my wedding, my father-in-law was asked how it feels to marry off a twelfth child. Surely it must be no big deal, I mean twelve times over pretty much maxes out the experience barometer. He astonishingly answered that each child is a precious and unique gem. In essence, each child is an only child…
One of the great things about such large families is that there is always a reason to rejoice. Our schedule, G-d willing, in the next six weeks is quite an eye-catcher! For starters, we’ll be in South Africa celebrating my sister’s wedding. Two weeks later we get out our dance shoes again for the marriage of Shevy’s younger sister (that is, number fourteen) in New York. We barely catch our breath before Shevy’s niece`s wedding bash in Palm Springs, California, and from there we move right on to Atlanta for the wedding of a second niece.
At the bris of his eleventh son, a Rabbi was asked “When will you be done?” He replied simply, “ Only once I reach six million.” `Be fruitful and multiply` is the first Mitzvah in the Torah. Every child we bear is the loudest response possible to all the Pharoahs, Hitlers and Stalins that have risen up against us since the birth of our nation.
So how many children do you have (or want to have)?
(My thanks to Efrat Schochet for her editorial assistance)