My good friend Sam is involved in a serious relationship. They’ve been dating for a while now and recently he confided in me that while he likes her and shares the same values as her, he just isn’t sure if this match is heaven-made. He claims he needs a sign from G-d that this is the right one. “G-d needs to tell me and then I’ll marry her.”
Our community is home to many singles, many of whom would love to settle down and get married.
This week we celebrate what our Sages describe as the most joyous day on the Jewish calendar. In Temple times, the daughters of Jerusalem would go out and dance in the vineyards every year on the 15th of Av. Together they chanted to the observing bachelors, “Young man, raise your eyes and see which you select for yourself…do not look at beauty.”
The women’s message carries immense weight even after all this time, and particularly in our ultra-modern society. In order for a marriage to thrive it must be built upon an unwavering foundation, a core that does not change no matter how many storms blow over it. “Do not base your decision on a pretty face or a gold lined pocket,” implored the women. For these outer qualities are at best frail- beauty will fade and wealth may decline.
Human emotions are fragile- today I love you, tomorrow I might meet someone else who interests me more. The crucial element missing from today’s marriages is G-d. In order for a marriage to last we need to realize the truth in the maidens’ words, “Raise your eyes.” We need to look up to heaven and realize that this person who fits all my criteria and to whom I am attracted is my soul mate.
A couple is comprised of two halves of the same soul. And just as one would not give up his hand or leg, so ought one not give up his soul mate, for the loss of a spouse is in essence an amputation of sorts. This attitude is the first step to an everlasting marriage and the only way a relationship can survive rough patches and rocky roads.
So in answer to Sam, I told him I think he should go ahead. If she’s everything you want and you’re attracted to her- that is G-d’s sign. Now you have to take the leap of faith and give it all you got. Marriage may be difficult but it’s certainly not impossible. Who would guess that all it took was a change of attitude?