Our quest for love

I received a desperate e-mail this week from my friend *Joe. He had been dating his dream woman for several months, utterly thrilled with their compatibility and physical attraction to one another. The chemistry was electric; the elusive “spark” lit up each date.  As time went on, he grew hopeful that the relationship would turn into something more permanent. And then out of the blue, they had an argument and the dream shattered. His e-mail contained a heartfelt plea, requesting that I pray for him to find a woman he could love. “I give each relationship my all, and it never seems to work,” he wrote. “Is there a prayer that I should be saying? I have no idea what to do anymore. I want to be in a loving relationship so badly...” 

In this week’s Torah portion we are taught the meaning of true love. It was following the violation of the marriage contract between G-d and His people, Bnei Yisrael. Arguably one of the most dramatic weddings in history, the ceremony occurred at the foot of Har Sinai, amid a violent thunderstorm and amplified heavenly vows. Apparently the fireworks failed to sufficiently impress the bride; indeed, she strayed a mere forty days later. Like a jealous lover, G-d was livid upon learning of the Golden Calf. So great was His fury that He desired to annihilate the Jewish people and rebuild an entirely new nation from Moshe. Moshe, however, vehemently rejected the plan, choosing instead to stand by his people, fighting for them with every excuse available to him. “If You destroy them, G-d, destroy me as well. My people and I are one, inseparable.” Moshe allowed no room for negotiation. Bnei Yisrael, though they had hurt him many times over, were his treasure, his love.

Moshe’s devotion to his people defines the essence of love. A relationship is a commitment to another person to stand by them come what may. The same Jews who insisted on replacing him with a new leader, who complained against him constantly, were the very same ones for whom he fought. For Moshe understood that, like all people, these too were not perfect. Sure, they had faults, but those faults were not enough to disqualify his love for them.

Once a year we set aside a day to bask in the warmth of love in our lives. Each year, in preparation for Valentine’s Day, store owners stock up on flowers and chocolates, billboards display hearts and puppies and the city is painted in a splash of pink and red. It’s interesting that the very purpose of Valentine’s Day is its flaw. Appreciation of your partner should never be restricted to one day. Every hour, every minute needs to be dedicated to the betterment of a relationship.

It’s not for no reason that relationships crumble like cheese all around us. Love is hard work, it requires total selflessness: constantly seeking the happiness of another individual. For many, the commitment is too great. In a society where people seek instant gratification (no matter how long it takes), it’s not easy to stay when the going gets tough. Our world thrives on a disposable attitude: things are easily achieved and just as easily tossed out. The concept of total devotion to another is sadly very foreign- most times we are in it for what we get. So the minute things don’t work out, we abandon ship, because it’s a lot easier to start over than to rebuild.

Celebrate Valentine’s Day by all means but do not limit it to one day a year.  Do your relationship a favour: bring home a gift for your spouse tonight. Just because.

*names have been changed to protect the privacy of the individual