The other morning, I woke up at 5:30 like I do every day, studied some Torah to stock up on energy, and continued on with my morning.
At 9:00am, *Paul – one of my dearest and closest friends – came to visit. I could sense his excitement, but before sitting down we put on tefillin together.
“Nu, Paul,” I asked, “What’s the big news? What’s going on?”
“I’ve been dating a most wonderful woman,” he gushed. “I’m deeply in love and I’ll be meeting her parents next week. I feel so lucky, Rabbi. I’ve never felt this way before!”
I told Paul how happy I was for him, and truly – what could be better than to see a friend so joyful? But like the Rabbi I am, I wanted to get practical. Let’s talk “tachlis.”
“When’s the engagement? When’s the wedding?” I asked.
And that’s when Paul started to hem and haw. “Well, Rabbi… there’s a teeny-tiny problem with that. You see, this woman is not Jewish...”
And then he wanted to know, “Is there any way to get around this problem, Rabbi?”
So I explain. There’s no easy answer. Conversion exists, but it is no “quick fix”. For a real conversion, she needs to be serious. She needs to learn long and hard. She needs to want Judaism for herself , not for you. She needs to observe every one of the 613 commandments which pertain to her.
This is why Judaism pushes potential converts away several times. It takes commitment, drive and determination. It takes a burning desire for G-dliness and buckets of perseverance.
I explained to Paul that in order for his girlfriend to convert, she would need to become more observant than he is. And ultimately, he would also need to ramp up his observance.
And it’s not quick. The conversion process takes as long as necessary for the rabbis to ascertain that the convert is serious. It rarely takes less than a year, and it can often take much longer. But although it may take a long time, in a way, it’s actually the shorter path. Orthodox conversion is the only path to universal recognition. Today, the only conversion acknowledged and accepted by the state of Israel is the orthodox conversion.
Of course, I reassured Paul that no matter what he decides, he will without question – always be fully welcome at our Chabad center. And we will always love him unconditionally.
Interestingly, this week’s Torah portion is Mishpatim – laws. In this portion the Torah sets forth a number of laws addressing many areas of daily life. The portion begins, “These are the laws…” Rashi, one of the foremost commentators of the Torah, explains that these commandments are just as important as the 10 commandments given on Mount Sinai.
The laws and commandments set forth in the oral and written Torah are binding on all Jews. A legitimate conversion to Judaism requires the convert to accept the Torah in its entirety.
*Names have been changed to protect the privacy of individuals. Paul suggested that I write this article so that other people will be aware of what to do in such a situation.
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