My good friend Ilan* phoned me last week with a very serious question.
"Rabbi," he said, "I've never kept kosher in my life; I didn't grow up in a kosher household. But when I attended your services this past Rosh Hashanah, I felt very moved, and resolved to make an effort to keep kosher.
"Today I had a lunch meeting with a Jewish client, and I figured a kosher restaurant would accomplish two mitzvot - I would keep kosher and my client would also eat a kosher meal. So that's what I did. We went to a kosher restaurant in Midtown and I ordered classic gefilte fish, followed by chopped liver.
"In all honesty, it was difficult, because: a) it's much easier to find a non-kosher restaurant nearby, b) I find non-kosher food better tasting, and c) certainly kosher food is more expensive. But hey, we all know it's not easy being a Jew, so I bit the bullet and did it anyway!"
"That's fantastic!" I told him. "So what's your question?"
"In one of your sermons," he explained, "you spoke about the difference between a mitzvah and a sin. Both have an 'oy' and an 'ahhh,' the difference is in the timing. When you sin, the 'ahhh' (i.e. enjoyment) comes first, and only afterwards do you feel 'oy' - what did I do?! But when it comes to a mitzvah, first you feel the 'oy vey', this is so difficult. But afterwards, you feel the 'ahhh' - the pleasure of knowing you did the right thing.
"Well," Ilan continued, "I had my 'oy' moment while doing the mitzvah. It was difficult for me - out of the way and expensive - but I did it regardless. Then later, when I was supposed to feel the 'ahhh' moment, I was suffering from severe food poisoning, holed up in the bathroom for hours. It was terrible! (And my client, who also ate the chopped liver, suffered the same fate.) I was in sheer agony, and all because of that chopped liver! I could have eaten in a non-kosher restaurant and saved myself all this trouble. Why must I suffer for doing a mitzvah?!"
My first thought was, Didn't he get the memo? Sushi is the new chopped liver. We Jews haven't eaten the real stuff since Egypt-times!
But what I ultimately told Ilan was, "I have no idea. Yes, I am a rabbi, but I am not a prophet. I have no idea why your mitzvah ended in painful food poisoning. But what I can do, is assure you that your mitzvah counts, and G-d will most certainly reward you.
"Our finite minds cannot comprehend His ways. Perhaps he already rewarded you. It's possible there was some heavenly decree in store for you, and because you went out of your way to keep kosher, Hashem lifted the decree. Perhaps you were destined to lose a lot of money or a big client that day, but instead you were gifted with a bout of food poisoning. We do not know His calculations, but rest assured, your mitzvah was not ignored or overlooked."
We're about to celebrate the holiday of Purim - the most joyous day on the Jewish calendar. During the times of Mordechai and Esther, the Jews were under threat of annihilation every single day. For 11 months Haman's decree hovered over them. Interestingly, the megillah, which records the story of Purim, is the only book of the Torah where G-d's name is not mentioned. During the entire 11 months that the story of Purim played out, G-d was hidden. He was there, orchestrating, but in a hidden fashion. Only after Haman was killed, did it become clear that G-d had been guiding them and helping them every step of the way.
We look forward to the day when we will see G-d in a revealed and obvious fashion. Even though we've been waiting for thousands of years, we believe that Moshiach will come any day now and pluck us out of exile. When Moshiach arrives, we'll enter a new era - one in which we will see how everything G-d has done for us, was ultimately for our benefit. May that day come very quickly! Until then, however, we just have to continue doing mitzvot and believe that everything He does is for our benefit.
*Name changed to protect privacy.