A Hebrew school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her six-year-old students. After explaining the commandment of "honor thy father and mother," she asked, "Is there a commandment to teach us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat, one little boy (older brother to several siblings) answered, "Thou shall not kill!"
As much as we love our siblings, sometimes it's hard to get along.
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My close friend, Yankel, shared a very painful secret with me several years ago. He has only one brother and they haven't spoken in many, many years. They are a small family, and it hurts him terribly that they are not on speaking terms over a fairly minor fight. In fact, he no longer recalls the exact details of what they were fighting about!
I strongly encouraged Yankel to reach out to his brother (who lives in Israel) and try to reconcile, but he insisted that he cannot. Perhaps his ego was getting in the way, or maybe he was afraid of being rejected by his brother, or perhaps it had simply been too long, but the silence continued for another few years. I even dedicated a Yom Kippur sermon to this topic a few years ago in the hope of inspiring a reconciliation.
It's been 22 years now since the brothers last spoke.
But, just recently Yankel told me he saw a missed call from Israel on his phone from a number he didn't recognize, so he called back to see who was trying to reach him. He didn't recognize the voice of the man who answered his call, so he said, "My name is Yankel, I got a missed call from this number, who am I speaking to?"
"I happen to be your brother," the man replied, "but I didn't call you."
"What do you mean? I have a missed call from you!" Yankel insisted.
"Well, you must have made some sort of mistake with the numbers," the brother explained, "because I never called you."
Seizing the moment, Yankel said, "Well, it must be divine providence that connected us today..." and they started chatting easily, both eager to make up for lost time. And for the last two weeks they've spoken every day, with plans to meet soon in person and officially reconcile.
The Torah tells us about Avraham who was forced to send his son Yishmael away because he had become evil and was persecuting his brother Isaac. Avraham certainly would not have done this unless he had absolutely no choice. They became estranged and although Avraham went to visit Yishmael twice, both times he missed him and only his wife was home. But Yishmael did not reciprocate. He never visited his father in more than seven decades, until after his father's passing.
In this week's Torah portion we read about Avraham's funeral, which Yishmael attended, walking side by side with his brother Isaac. Tragically, he didn't make amends during his father's life.
As a community rabbi I witness countless fights between people who truly love each other and it's painful to watch. Parents and children, siblings, cousins...you name it! We get into fights and often forget why we were fighting in the first place—we just know we're not talking. But who ends up in the most pain? We do. We hurt ourselves more than anybody else.
Life is too short. It's time to make up. Even if you have to pick up and phone and dial your estranged relative and then deny that you made the call, so be it! Do it anyway. Pick up the phone and make amends with those you love.