Lesson from a Car Accident

Two weeks ago my wife Shevy took our son to school. As she drove down West 89th Street, a car unexpectedly pulled out of a parking garage and backed right into her. She slammed on the brakes but not before both cars were damaged. Thank G-d, nobody was hurt.

The driver of the other car hopped out of his car and immediately began yelling at my wife. "This is your fault! You should have been driving more carefully!" He claimed he had been trying to drive forward into the garage and Shevy had hit him from behind.

I arrived at the scene quickly, even before the police. Shevy explained that the other driver had reversed into her, but he continued to insist it was her fault. In fact, he was so adamant about his version of events that Shevy began to doubt herself.

Sound familiar?

We all go through life seeing things from our perspective. We convince ourselves that we're right. We argue with our spouses and find it hard to apologize because we're so certain we are 100% correct. We fudge business deals and convince ourselves that the other party is in the wrong. We are blinded by our own version of events.

This is exactly what happens in this week's Torah portion. Our forefather Jacob dies, and his 12 sons bury him. Over the next few weeks, Joseph, viceroy of Egypt, stops inviting his brothers to dine with him as they have become accustomed. The brothers assume that, now that their father has passed on, Joseph is ready to take revenge on them for selling him when he was 17. Fearful, they send him messages begging him not to harm them.

But they are wrong. They are biased by their own perspective. All Joseph wants is a little time to mourn his father's death. He isn't ready to sit around and feast with his brothers. He has no plans for revenge. They simply misread him, because they saw the world through their own lens. Joseph, of course, reassures them that he had no ill intentions and loves them wholeheartedly.

Fortunately, in my wife's case there was a witness who was able to confidently tell police that the other driver was fully at fault, and there was even a surveillance camera recording the entire incident. Ironically, even in the face of such clear-cut evidence, the other driver continued to insist Shevy was in the wrong!

Nothing in this world happens by chance; everything is Divinely ordained. We don't know exactly why G-d planned this car accident, but we will, G-d willing, check our tefillin and mezuzot to make sure they are 100% kosher.

As we enter 2015, let's resolve to be more sensitive to the needs and intentions of those around us. If we learn to see things from the other person's perspective, our relationships will be dramatically better.