Last week I travelled to London for my niece’s wedding. Because my wife is English, and her parents and several siblings live there with their families, we took our children along so they could spend time with the extended family.
While we were there, we decided to make the most of the city and took a trip to the London Eye. Living in Manhattan should have taught me not to take a car into the notoriously traffic-congested city, but with four little jetlagged kids, it seemed easier to take the car. When we arrived, we circled the area several times looking for parking, but alas there was none. We decided that my wife would take our two older children on the giant Ferris wheel and give them the real London experience, while I stayed in the car with the younger two who had both fallen asleep.
I drove around a while longer until I found a place where I could let the car sit until my wife and kids came out. I texted my brother-in-law Moishy, who was also at the Eye with his family, with directions for my wife: “Tell her to walk one block from where I dropped her off and make a left. I’m waiting on that street.”
Unfortunately, I had no way of contacting my wife directly, because when we arrived in London we decided to put a local sim card into one of our phones, but we felt it unnecessary to do to both phones; one was sufficient. As it happens, I ended up with the working phone.
The ride ended, my wife’s siblings and their families headed to their cars, and Shevy and the kids started walking towards our car. The problem is my directions were not as clear as I thought they were! So they walked and walked, jetlagged and freezing cold, without finding me. Meanwhile, I had two sleeping jetlagged kids in the back of the car, and when I realized there was a problem, I started circling the area looking for them. We had no way to communicate and Shevy didn’t even know my London phone number because I’d just gotten it.
I started calling out my window, asking passersby if they’d seen a blond woman with a little girl and boy, but no luck. Soon my kids woke up and started crying, and my frustration mounted.
Being married for 12 years, I tried to put myself into my wife’s shoes and work out what she would do in the current situation. I realized, without a shadow of doubt, that she would grab the nearest taxi, go home, and call me as soon as she arrived. Suddenly I was much calmer, and waited for the call which, as predicted, came soon after.
In this week’s Torah portion we first meet Moses, the greatest leader the Jewish nation has ever known. What made him such an effective leader?
Moses was a shepherd and on one occasion one of his sheep ran away. Moses thought the sheep was trying to escape so he ran after it. He ran and ran and ran until he caught up to the sheep which had stopped at a stream of water to drink. It turned out the sheep was simply thirsty. When Moses understood what was driving the sheep, he walked back to the herd carrying the tired sheep on his shoulders.
This, explains the midrash, is why Moses was a superior leader. A true leader is able to understand why his followers do what they do, say what they say and think what they think. This was Moses’ specialty. For forty years he led the Jewish people, always sensitive to their needs and demands. He understood why they complained and how to motivate them.
What a lesson for all of us! We know many of our family and friends intimately, but how often do we really stop to think things through from their perspective? Next time you have a fight with a friend, spouse, sibling, or business partner, stop and try to really see their side of the argument. Close your eyes, use what you know about that person and how they filter and process interactions, and you’ll have a whole new perspective. Try it!