*Natalie is warm, kind, caring, compassionate, friendly and intelligent. She has a good job and comes from a wonderful family. She’s 34 years old and not yet married.
Having known Natalie for the last 10 years, I can say with confidence that any man who marries her will be lucky. She will make an incredible wife and mother.
So why isn’t she married yet? I don’t know. She’s been dating and doing all the right things but simply hasn’t found the right one yet.
This week Natalie called me for advice. “I’ve been dating *Brian for last 18 months,” she explained, “and I really like him. I know he would make a great husband and father.”
Now, I know Brian because they’ve come to some of our events together, and from what I see I agree with Natalie—they seems well suited and I think it could be a good marriage.
So I told Natalie, “Nu? When are you going to take the plunge?”
Natalie began to cry. “I’m ready to marry Brian, but every time I bring up the ‘marriage conversation’ he changes the topic or laughs about it. He says he’s not ready yet and I don’t want to push him away by asking for a commitment. What should I do? Is it normal for a guy to be so unwilling to commit after more than a year of dating?”
Not ready? This guy is already in his 40s! When will he be ready? What is he waiting for?
In this week’s Torah portion we read about the Jewish people receiving the Torah from G-d. The entire Jewish people —several million people—stood at the foot of Mount Sinai and accepted the Torah, thereby becoming a nation.
Being Jewish doesn’t mean working through a checklist of “must do's.” Judaism is something that needs to permeate our very beings. Every minute of every day we should be working to be actively Jewish. Being Jewish doesn’t mean just going to shul or praying or keeping a few mitzvahs. Being Jewish means being a mentsch 24/7.
I know that Brian doesn’t intend to be unkind. He is a good person! He simply doesn’t realize the hurt he is causing his girlfriend.
If you have no intention of actually taking the plunge, don’t string along a young woman who is desperately ready to get married and begin raising a family. First get some therapy, and then date her like a mentsch.
Let’s all take a lesson from the parsha. Being Jewish means being a mensch in every aspect, and being a mensch is something we need to do 24/7.
Have a wonderful Shabbat!